Introduction: The Hidden Truth About Goal-Setting No One Talks About
What if everything you know about setting goals is incomplete — or even misleading?
We live in a world obsessed with goals:
- SMART goals
- Vision boards
- Productivity hacks
- Career planning frameworks
But what if the real question isn’t what your goal is — but why you have it in the first place?
Are your goals born from true inner motivation — or are they reactions to pain, trauma, or fear?
This isn’t another article teaching you how to set short-term, long-term, personal, or professional goals.
This is about the deep, soul-level goal of your life — the one that comes from a place of love, curiosity, inner stillness, and that childhood energy we often lose as we grow up.
Inspired by the powerful insights of Joseph Nguyen’s book Don’t Believe Everything You Think, we’re going to unravel the real reason behind the goals we chase — and help you identify whether you’re living in alignment with your authentic self or reacting to emotional wounds.
This article is written for those who want to stop performing for the world — and start creating from their truth.
By the end, you won’t just learn how to set goals.
You’ll understand how to set the right goal — the one you were born to live.
Two Types of Goals: Motivation vs. Despair Goals
Not all goals are created equal. While they may look productive or ambitious on the surface, the energy behind them defines their impact on your life. According to Joseph Nguyen in Don’t Believe Everything You Think, goals are either created from motivation or from despair — and understanding the difference can change everything.
Despair-Driven Goals: Escaping, Not Evolving
These goals aren’t chosen — they’re reactions. They arise from emotional pain, trauma, or a deep desire to escape discomfort.
Common Examples:
- “I hate my job, so I’ll build a billion-dollar startup.”
- “They broke up with me, so I’ll get fit and rich to make them regret it.”
- “I failed before, so now I’ll prove to the world I’m not worthless.”
These goals often look like success on the outside — but they carry emotional heaviness on the inside.
You might burn out, feel empty, or stay unfulfilled even after achieving them.
A Real-World Illustration:
Imagine a man who took up a job in his teenage years to support his family. Over time, he found himself drained — buried in office politics, unrecognized hard work, delayed promotions, and rising mental stress. In frustration, he decided to quit and launch his own business — not because he loved entrepreneurship, but because he wanted to escape the system that made him feel powerless.
That’s a despair-driven goal. It’s built more on what you’re running from than what you’re running toward.
Motivation-Driven Goals: Expression, Not Escape
These goals are born from love, intuition, and joy. You pursue them not because you’re trying to prove something, but because you feel drawn to them — as if they’re part of your nature.
Common Examples:
- Drawing just because it brings you peace.
- Starting a blog because you love sharing ideas.
- Singing, building, dancing — for the joy of doing it, not for applause.
It’s not about rewards. It’s about resonance.
These goals come from the “goddess energy” Joseph Nguyen describes — that childlike creative force inside us that feels effortless and pure. You’d do it for 60 years even if no one ever clapped. That’s what he calls unconditional creation — similar to unconditional love.
A Real-World Illustration:
Consider someone who discovered sketching as a child. He never wanted to become “famous,” but just loved creating. Now as an adult, he still sketches daily. Whether he earns little or much, his joy remains constant. He isn’t chasing recognition — he’s living his truth.
The Key Distinction:
- Despair goals are rooted in fear and frustration.
- Motivational goals are rooted in freedom and self-expression.
And this distinction will define not just what you chase — but who you become while chasing it.
How to Know Which One You Have? — Ask These 5 Questions
Let’s pause and reflect:
Before setting or chasing any goal, you need to know where it’s coming from — your heart, or your hurt?
Here are 5 powerful questions to help you self-assess the root of your goals:
Self-Reflection Checklist
- Am I doing this to prove someone wrong — or to express something true within me?
- If no one ever praised, liked, or noticed me, would I still pursue this?
- Did this goal emerge right after a painful experience, breakup, failure, or rejection?
- Do I feel peaceful and connected while doing it — or anxious and restless?
- Was this something I loved doing as a child before the world told me what “success” means?
How to Interpret Your Answers:
- ✅ If your answers are YES to mostly Q2, Q4, and Q5 — your goals are likely motivation-driven.
- ❌ If your answers are YES to Q1 and Q3 — your goals may be despair-driven reactions.
But here’s the deeper truth:
“These questions are just a mirror — not a map.”
You can reflect with them, but the real direction comes only from within.
No checklist or motivational video can reveal your life’s true path better than your own inner silence — what Joseph Nguyen describes as the “Zero Thought Stage” in his book Don’t Believe Everything You Think.
In that space, free from mental noise and societal conditioning, your true calling begins to whisper.
Want to understand the Zero Thought Stage better?
Check out our book summary of Don’t Believe Everything You Think— a mind-opening breakdown of thought, identity, and self-awareness.
If Your Goal Is Motivation-Based: Follow This Simple Process
If you’ve discovered that your goal comes from love, purpose, or inner energy, congratulations — you’re one of the rare few walking the path of authenticity.
That means:
No need for hype.
No endless motivational videos.
No pressure to prove anything to anyone.
Here’s a simple, powerful process to follow when your goals come from the right place:
Step 1: Define the Feeling, Not the Finish Line
Ask yourself:
What does pursuing this goal make me feel?
Is it peace? Joy? A sense of aliveness?
Write that feeling down. This becomes your compass.
Because motivation-based goals aren’t about “results” — they’re about how you feel while living them.
Step 2: Forget the Outcome — Focus on the Action
Build a routine around the process, not the reward.
Don’t think about the applause, money, or praise.
Just show up daily and do the work — sketch, write, dance, speak — whatever your goal is.
Let consistency be your meditation.
Step 3: Follow the Energy Trail
Go where your energy spikes, not where the world expects you to go.
It won’t always be comfortable — but it will feel alive.
Don’t chase trends. Follow the quiet voice inside that says, “This is it.”
Step 4: Detach from Recognition
The moment you need validation, you’ve moved from expression to performance.
Remember:
The universe doesn’t reward who screams loudest — it rewards alignment.
Your role is to create, not to impress.
No More External Motivation Needed
When your goals are aligned with your soul’s truth, motivation becomes effortless.
You don’t need hustle porn, viral quotes, or 5 a.m. alarms to get going.
You move naturally, from a place of clarity and devotion.
This is what Joseph Nguyen calls the “goddess power” — a sacred, childlike energy that once flowed freely in you… before the world told you to grow up.
It’s not something you need to gain — it’s something you must remember.
Just like the Japanese concept of Ikigai, which helps us find purpose through what we love, what we’re good at, and what the world needs —
this approach aligns your life’s goal with your soul’s design.
Other Perspectives You Should Know Before Setting Your Life Goal
Before you fully commit to the idea of “motivation vs. despair”, remember — this is just one lens of self-understanding. Human behavior, especially around life goals, is layered and complex. To truly evolve in the process of goal-setting, it’s essential to recognize that:
“One truth doesn’t cancel the other — it often completes it.”
Here are three powerful perspectives that challenge and expand our understanding:
1. Despair Can Be a Powerful Catalyst for Change
While we’ve emphasized that goals born from despair can feel empty or reactionary, pain can also birth transformation.
Some of history’s most powerful stories began in the darkest chapters of life:
- J.K. Rowling started writing Harry Potter as a broke, single mother facing depression — but her pain became magic for millions.
- Steve Jobs, after being fired from his own company, went on to build Pixar and eventually return to Apple, revolutionizing technology.
Or closer to home — maybe someone left a toxic job, not to chase success, but to reclaim peace. The result? A fulfilling business that feels aligned.
Takeaway:
Despair may ignite the journey. And that’s okay.
What matters is whether the fire shifts from survival to soulful expression. Let the wound start the work — but let love complete it.
2. Motivation Is Often Mixed — And That’s Okay
The truth is, our goals rarely come from one pure place.
Psychology shows that human desires are multifaceted — made of joy, pain, ego, fear, hope, and love.
Consider this example:
- Someone becomes a doctor because they want to save lives — but also because they crave respect and recognition.
- A person starts a business because they want freedom — and also because they want to prove wrong those who doubted them.
Even your own life may have had these shifts:
You began a project out of pure passion → failed → got bitter → pursued another goal out of desperation → eventually returned to your original passion — now wiser and more grounded.
Takeaway:
Don’t obsess over having a “100% pure” goal.
Use this article to identify your dominant driver, not to judge yourself.
Knowing why you’re chasing something helps you course-correct before burnout hits.
3. Stoic & Buddhist Wisdom: Even Motivation Can Become Attachment
There’s an ancient lens worth remembering — from Stoicism and Buddhism.
Even when your goal feels aligned with love or passion…
The moment you become attached to the outcome, you become vulnerable to suffering.
- You start painting for joy — but then crave validation.
- You start a blog — but obsess over traffic.
- You write a book — and spiral if it doesn’t sell.
From a Stoic view: happiness comes from living in accordance with virtue, not outcome.
From a Buddhist view: peace comes from presence, detachment, and acceptance of what is.
Takeaway:
Let your goals be a way to express your being — not to define your worth.
You don’t “win” by reaching a goal.
You win by becoming peacefully engaged in the process itself.
Final Thought on These Perspectives
This article doesn’t demand that you cancel pain-based goals, or only chase high-vibration purpose.
Instead, it invites you to:
- Reflect deeper.
- Understand your current emotional state.
- Recognize patterns.
- And above all, realign yourself when you’re ready.
Because growth isn’t about avoiding pain — it’s about learning when to shift from pain to power.
Conclusion: Choose Awareness Over Reaction
This article isn’t here to say,
“Never act from pain,”
or
“Only follow joy.”
Instead, it invites you to pause and reflect:
“What is truly driving me right now?”
Because when you move with awareness — not autopilot —
Pain becomes purpose.
Disappointment becomes direction.
And your goals become a mirror of who you really are, not just a tool to escape what you fear.
Some of the most powerful goals begin in silence — not in the noise of achievement, but in the quiet moment when you reconnect with your truest self.
You don’t need a perfect origin story.
You don’t need applause.
You only need clarity — and the courage to act from it.
At TheBookInsight.com, we offer more than just summaries — we aim to deliver perspective. And today, we want to express deep gratitude to all the people who’ve struggled through pain, pressure, and sacrifice — and still showed up for their families, dreams, or communities. You are warriors. Your journey matters.
Whether you’re just beginning or realigning your path —
Thank you for reading.
We’re honored to be part of your journey.
